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The contrasts that Silva makes between identity and orientation and the various meanings the same behavior has for individuals was well illustrated by the mostly straight young men I interviewed. Truth or dare lead to some weird moments, but it was always funny and never sexual."

17.And lastly, "I was at a very small gathering with friends.

Mostly straight: Sexually fluidity among men. He explained: “I think bud-sex is interesting because it demonstrates that there are many different populations of men who have sex with men. Gender & Society, 31, 51-73.

Ward, J. (2015). It was kinda cool, but not something I'd go out of my way to do again.

New York: New York University Press.

Sex between consenting adults can be a fun, funny, and even awkward experience, and sometimes those experiences are more about, well, experimenting. Bud-sex: Constructing normative masculinity among rural straight men that have sex with men.

Back in high school, we were all very loose with our actions. We let it drop and he never asked me anything like that again, but I often fantasize about what might have happened if I had said yes."

10."I had been drinking and was spending the night at a friend's house. One guy told me he wasn't closed-minded and he wanted to hook up.

Of far greater importance for their sexual identity were “romantic relationships with women, childrearing, integration in straight communities, and how they perceived their masculinity.”

In an email exchange, I asked Tony Silva about the significance of his research: “It demonstrates that there are many different populations of men who have sex with men.

One of them let it slip that she'd find it 'totally hot' if two guys made out in front of her and that she'd always secretly wished for it to happen. It made me a whole lot more comfortable with my own sexuality..."

13."A buddy of mine and I hit the town one night but didn't have any luck. We've cuddled a bit and have slept in the same bed and even woke up spooning.

Their narratives show how similar sexual practices carry different meanings across contexts and populations.”

Based on a recent review of the research literature (2017), I discovered that the largest group of men who have sex with men identify as straight. Giving oral to a dude was pretty meh. I decided to take a chance and meet him at his house.

Five take-home messages

  1. Straight-identified men can exist on a sexual and/or romantic spectrum.
  2. Straight men can be sexually fluid. These guys are different from men who identify as bisexual, gay, mostly gay, and mostly straight. To Silva, the results "demonstrate the flexibility of male heterosexuality and the centrality of heterosexuality to normative rural masculinity.” To these men, same-sex sex is compatible with heterosexuality: “It is not the sexual practices themselves but individuals’ interpretations of them that are central to sexual identity and gender.” For partners, the men preferred “secretive, nonromantic same-sex sex” and had both one-time meet-ups and regular male sexual friendships.

    In an email exchange, I asked Tony Silva why he researches bud-sex.